After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
