I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize