I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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