No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
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I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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