My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
