what day is it and did you see me today?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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