We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
