Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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