all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
