When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
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When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
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Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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