The panties match.
I'll be right there.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
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remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I would fuck him just for his dog
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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