you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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