If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
