she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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