Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
