im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
