Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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