My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
