I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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