it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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