Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
