Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
my being single is dangerous.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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