Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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