what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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