when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
