Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
