was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
