I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
if i died would you start the facebook group?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
