Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
