I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
