He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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