are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize