oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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