the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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