there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
