when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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