I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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