The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
he puts the penis in happiness.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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