sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
