alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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