I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Is that strawberry winking at me??
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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