Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
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Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.