dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
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wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
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I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.