my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy