Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.