Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats