Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
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"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word