yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
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his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
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I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.