i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
