i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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