The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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