He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
