In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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