i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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