I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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