Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
