i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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