OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
