I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
