Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
