I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
