three words: i give head
three words: not that well
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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