and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
