if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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