dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
