I think im going to throw up on grandma
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
