i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
