Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
