You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I want to stick my p in your. b.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
