I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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