dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
