Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Randomize
