i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
