Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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