Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
